The Sounds We Miss: Hidden Hearing Loss & How to Be a Better Communicator

Picture this: You’re chatting with a friend in a busy café. They’re nodding along, smiling, maybe even laughing at the right moments…but something feels a little off. You ask a question, and they hesitate—just a beat too long—before responding.

Did they hear you? Are they distracted? Are they just bad at small talk?

Or are they guessing their way through the conversation?

Welcome to the world of hidden hearing loss.

I recently found out I have it, and let me tell you—it explains a lot. Unlike traditional hearing loss, which makes sounds quieter, hidden hearing loss makes it harder to distinguish voices from background noise. So, yes, I technically hear you. But if we’re in a crowded room? My brain is playing Mad Libs with half the conversation.

And here’s the thing—most people with hidden hearing loss don’t even realize they have it. Others don’t notice it, either—until a conversation starts feeling a little…weird.

So, let’s talk about it. Here are some easy ways to spot when someone might be struggling to hear you—and, more importantly, how to make communication smoother for everyone.

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Signs Someone Might Have Hidden Hearing Loss

People with hidden hearing loss get really good at faking it, so it’s not always obvious. Here are a few subtle clues:

1. They “Zone Out” in Noisy Environments

At restaurants, networking events, or family gatherings, they may nod along but contribute less—or suddenly laugh at the wrong time because they’re guessing what was said. (Ask me how I know.)

2. They Ask You to Repeat Yourself…or Answer the Wrong Question

If someone frequently says, “Wait, what?”—especially when there’s background noise—it’s a clue. Sometimes, instead of asking again, they’ll just guess at what you said and hope for the best. (Which is how I once responded to “Do you want dessert?” with “No thanks, I already fed the dog.”)

3. They Prefer One-on-One Conversations

They’re totally engaged in quiet settings but struggle when multiple voices overlap. If they always suggest coffee over cocktails, this might be why.

4. They Avoid Phone Calls

Without visual cues like lip-reading, phone conversations can feel like solving a puzzle with half the pieces missing. If someone always texts instead of calling, they may not be avoiding you—just the frustration.

5. They Seem Mentally Drained After Conversations

Listening takes extra brainpower when your ears and brain aren’t playing nice. If someone looks wiped out after a long social interaction, they might’ve been working overtime just to keep up.

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How to Make Conversations Easier

If someone you know (or might know) has hidden hearing loss, these simple tweaks can make a world of difference:

1. Get Their Attention First

Before launching into a conversation, make sure they’re actually looking at you. It gives their brain a fighting chance at keeping up.

2. Face Them When You Speak

Lip-reading isn’t just for those with profound hearing loss—it helps everyone. Seeing someone’s mouth move makes speech so much clearer.

3. Reduce Background Noise When Possible

If you can, move to a quieter spot. In group settings, let them pick a seat where they can hear best (often facing a wall instead of the open room).

4. Speak Clearly, But Naturally

No need to shout or exaggerate—just enunciate a little more and keep your sentences crisp.

5. Rephrase Instead of Repeating

If they didn’t catch what you said, try rewording it instead of just saying it louder. Some words are harder to distinguish than others, so a different phrasing might land better.

6. Use Visual Cues

Gestures, pointing, and even jotting things down can reinforce what you’re saying. (And if you’re talking about directions, just go ahead and draw me a map, please and thank you.)

7. Give Them a Sec to Process

If they ask you to repeat something, don’t hit ‘em with a “Never mind.” Let them catch up—it’s not about volume, it’s about clarity.

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Respecting Communication Preferences

Everyone with hidden hearing loss has different needs, but here are some general rules of thumb:

• Text or Email First – If you’re unsure, ask if they prefer text or email instead of a phone call. (Chances are, they do.)

• Follow Up in Writing – If you just had a convo with a lot of details, a quick text or email recap can help fill in any gaps they may have missed.

• Choose the Right Setting for Face-to-Face Talks – Louder doesn’t equal better. Opt for quieter environments where conversation is easier.

• Give Them Time to Respond – Fast-paced discussions can be tricky. Give them a beat to process before jumping to the next topic.

• Ask, Don’t Assume – A simple, “Hey, is this a good way to communicate for you?” goes a long way.

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The Takeaway

Hidden hearing loss is, well, hidden. But once you know what to look for, it’s easier to recognize when someone might be struggling—and even easier to tweak how you communicate.

Whether it’s a friend, a coworker, or a family member, these small changes make conversations more inclusive, less frustrating, and way more enjoyable for everyone involved.

And hey—if any of these signs sound a little too familiar? Maybe it’s time to get your own hearing checked. Trust me, knowing is half the battle.